The Sound of Screeching Brakes

car wallWe’re midway through June and this is just my second post this month.  Suddenly, after months of regular blogging, I am struggling to put finger to key and tell stories ….and there’s a reason.

It’s not like there’s nothing going on. Our son is here, we’ve been on trips, picnics and all kinds of work-related travel. I have stories from the farm and mountains.  Life is good.  But somehow I can’t bring myself to put any of them out. I’ve discovered that with blogging I get caught in some kind of road block of my own invention and its not “writers block” but something quite different. Its more like hitting a wall, where the wall is the reality that my blog no longer gives a balanced representation of what’s going on in my life, and only showing pictures of adventures with elephants no longer cuts it.  The larger  social issues I see daily feel too enormous to cover in my little blog, so I leave them untouched like the 2 ton elephant in the room (pun reference intended.)

I have reached a point in our time here in Nepal where things are no longer new. I’ve discovered the basics and I know enough about life here to know how much I don’t know on a deeper level. I’ve been here 10 months straight and I’m ready for a break. I’m tired of the overwhelming, endless social problems, worsening pollution, incessant noise, honking of car horns, and just the lack of basic sanitation.

I have mediocrity fatigue.  I want something to work without coercion.  I’m tired of apologizing for my own elevated living conditions and concentrating on being grateful for what I have compared to most everyone else here, where this is all  normal.   This isn’t normal for me.  Toilets here stink, there’s dog shit everywhere, and I’m sick of the garbage.  I can’t walk the streets without fear of twisting my ankle, being run over, or treading in something nasty.   I just need to feel my own exhaustion at the mayhem, take advantage of the fact that I can recharge, and admit that sometimes all of this just drives me nuts.  There….. I said it.  And now it feels more honest to move on to the things that are beautiful and special here – and there are many.  Roadblock removed….at least for now.